We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
