Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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