dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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