see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
