when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
