he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my sisters under your porch take her home
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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