Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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