I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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