I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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