i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
