I'd wear matching sweaters with you
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
