Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
