I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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