I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You can't just leave with hair like that
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
