Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
