Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
