We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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