i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
