My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
