Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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