I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
