My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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