Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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