i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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