I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
