I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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