You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
