First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
