It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
