she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
There's always time for handjobs
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
