I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
