So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
