Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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