yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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