I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
