What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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