Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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