I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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