I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
