I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
