Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
