If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
