I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
