Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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