He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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