It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
