i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
