Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think I won the penis lottery.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
