she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
