Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
