I got chris browned last night
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize