Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
