i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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