You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
