if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
