The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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