After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
