My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
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