new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
