life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Randomize
