I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
