whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
