I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Randomize
