i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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