there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I am naked and annoyed.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
