So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
He felt like a one man threesome
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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