I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
