It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
