Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
