glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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